Happy World Hijab Day! But I don’t wear hijab. Most people that meet me assume it’s because I don’t want to, when the contrary is actually true. I really want to get to the point where I can wear the hijab. Today, I want to reflect on why I don’t wear hijab.
There are a few things that hold me back that may or may not be valid, but these are my own personal vices. Throughout my life I was told by multiple people, at multiple points in my life to just put it on. It’s not that hard they would say. It doesn’t mean much. At the end of the day it is just a piece of cloth, they would say.
But is it really? How can I just put it on? To me a hijab is so much more. For me, when I see a woman wearing hijab I have this automatic admiration and respect for her. She has the confidence to literally wear her religion on her sleeve. On her head?
I don’t. I feel like a hypocrite. My prayers aren’t perfect. I have moments of doubt, and quite frankly I would not call myself an ideal Muslim. So how can I wear the hijab and represent Islam when I don’t feel that I am a good example?
Also, do I have strength in my faith to have it be my defining factor when people meet me? It means giving up control. Right now when people meet me, they only know what I tell them about my life and who I am. Wearing the hijab would mean that my religion would be front and center for everyone to see when they meet me. Would I be able to handle the assumptions people make? Would I be able to correct those assumptions?
All these self doubts are holding me back. I know that self doubt only hurts me. And, I know that a lot of these feelings I have are common, and absolutely okay. I pray that Allah will give me the courage to one day embrace the hijab and earn the respect it commands.
In the meanwhile, I salute all my sisters rocking the hijab. I reach out my hand in support of those on the sidelines, admiring and praying that one day they may too also be able to wear the hijab inshallah.
