I am Not a Better Muslim in Ramadan

During Ramadan, we fast to detox our body so that we can feel energized. We focus on our prayers and separate ourselves from worldly desires to feel closer to Allah. We strive to show patience in our mannerism so that we can practice sabr in our life.

But, if I’m being honest, I struggle with all of those things in Ramadan. There is an expectation that during Ramadan we feel a special connection to Allah. That we spend our time in prayer and dhikr. But I feel distant from Allah, and I spend most of my time bouncing between checking the current time and iftaar time.

At first, I blamed my circumstances.

• I am a tired mom.
• I don’t have a community that I feel a connection to.
• It’s the summer and the days are long.
• If I lived in a Muslim country and didn’t need to juggle life, it might be easier.

Let’s be real, though. There was a time when I wasn’t a mom, lived by a great community, the days were short and cool, and I dictated my own schedule. Despite those circumstances, I still didn’t feel that special something in Ramadan.

Maybe it’s because prayer is still something that requires an effort on my part. If you read my post about praying, you know that praying is a work in progress for me. I don’t always feel spiritually renewed or refreshed after prayer. Instead, it is still a chore for me. I pray that, one day, I can reach that spiritual mindset where prayer is a release.

Maybe it’s because Ramadan is a work in progress for me, too. There might be a level of patience and sabr that I don’t have yet, which is an obstacle to truly experiencing the detox of Ramadan. Maybe that sabr comes with time, experience, and spiritual growth.

Whatever it is. I feel shame saying that I am NOT A BETTEr muslim in Ramadan, compared to the other 11 months.

There seems to be a taboo in admitting that I get “hangry” (hungry-angry) or that I lose my temper more often. I feel that I am in the minority of speaking about how Ramadan can be challenging and not always a pleasant experience.

However, what I gain from Ramadan makes the experience worth it. It’s like a spiritual boot camp. It takes such an effort to pray, keep calm, and be aware of my worldly desires while fasting. Doing all that, while NOT fasting seems like a walk in the park!

I feel like I am able to be a better Muslim through out the year BECAUSE of Ramadan. There is an impression that we are our best during Ramadan.

But what if Ramadan is the training month for the rest of the year?